Ghosts of the Past
by pEpper13
Summary: It's been a couple of years for Roy Mustang since the events involving Father and Homunculi took place, and life has started to return to normal. Until, that is, Roy's estranged sister makes an unexpected appearance and begins to open old woulds... Rated T because this will get a bit gritty (language, violence, and drug use)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: The Stupid Thing Called Compassion

_Hey there, pEpper13 here! Sooo yeah, a little about me before we begin… First of all, I can't say what you can expect as far as updating goes… As of right now, I'm a senior in high school fast approaching graduation… which means lots of busywork! Also I'm leaving for TWO WHOLE MONTHS this summer to be a counselor at a summer camp. And then after I get back I'll be starting college, double majoring in lots of English stuff…_

_All of this is to say, I'm not sure how often I'll be updating this fic… honestly it's more of a stress-reliever than anything else. I have lots of other writing I need to do (mostly essays for scholarship applications YAY) and obviously this takes second priority. But I will try to be as faithful as I can to updating this and any other stories I might start! I've had this idea stewing in my mind for a month or two and I'm pretty excited about it now that I've started writing it down!_

_This first chapter is pretty short… hopefully future chapters will be longer! Honestly I wasn't even going to post this. I was just writing it for fun, and the only reason I made a fanfiction account was to follow an author… But I figured I might as well get some feedback on this while I'm at it._

_Oh one more thing you might like to know… I have read all the Fullmetal Alchemist manga books and seen a few episodes of the anime (both the original and Brotherhood) but the majority of my knowledge comes from the manga itself! So that is where I am drawing most of my information for the characters and their backstories._

_Soooo after that long ramble, I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

"You should go home, sir. It looks better to sleep on your bed than on your desk."

I slowly lifted my head from the stack of papers I'd been drooling on as a pillow. Blinking weariness from my eyes, I nodded. "Thank you, Lieutenant." I glanced at the window. It was dark. "We should both be home, you are dismissed."

The lieutenant saluted. "Goodnight, sir."

"Goodnight, Lieutenant Hawkeye."

Hawkeye gathered her things and left the office, her stoic posture never betraying her own exhaustion. Guiltily, I stood and grabbed my military jacked from the back of my desk chair; Lieutenant Hawkeye had only stayed so late because of me.

I yanked the jacket back on, but didn't bother to button it closed. It looked sloppy, but no one would be around to see it. No one of importance, anyway. I flicked off the lights and exited the room, locking the door behind me. The hallway empty, no sounds beside the faint hum of fluorescent lights and Hawkeye's soft footsteps fading away.

Thinking of nothing but my quiet apartment and warm bed, I followed her, much more slowly, to the parking lot. Hawkeye's car was long gone by the time I exited the building. I took a moment to savor the crisp night air before fishing in my pockets for my keys.

"Late night, Roy?"

The keys hit the pavement with a clatter. Every muscle in my body tensed and my blood went cold at the sound of a female voice. But I didn't reach for my ignition gloves. I knew the voice well, though it had been years since I'd last heard it.

I didn't turn to her. "What do you want, Kate?"

"I wanted to see you. You're looking well, Roy."

Slowly, I turned my head to the left. "So are you."

Kate gave me a pained smile. She wasn't looking anything even close to well; it was a little startling actually. I hardly recognized her.

"What do you want, Kate?" I repeated.

"Roy… it's not like that. Not this time."

"Kate!" She flinched. "What do you want from me?"

She ventured a step nearer. "A place to stay… a hot meal? Please, Roy."

I scoffed. "So you can leave without warning a week later, taking anything that's not tied down with you? We've been here before, and we both know how it ends."

"No, it's different this time. This is the longest I've ever been clean; eight months, Roy. I'm for real this time."

"Eight months?" I was skeptical. "How'd you manage that?"

"A rehab house took me in. You can't believe how good they've been to me."

"Why aren't you there then?"

"There's only so much room with them… Once a patient makes a recovery, they're discharged. It's how it has to be." I made no answer. "I don't trust myself to be alone yet. I thought… if I can't get help from my big brother, then who else can I turn to?"

I cursed her inwardly. It was just like my sister to lay on the guilt to get what she wanted. But she had a point. If her own family wouldn't take her in, who would?

"Come on then," I muttered, stooping to pick up the keys.

She said nothing, like she hadn't heard me. I looked at her again. "Thank you," she whispered.

I didn't reply, and she knew enough to keep her distance as I crossed the parking lot to my car. "Sit where you want," I told her as I yanked open the driver's side door. Gingerly, my sister slid into the passenger seat. No words passed between us during the fourteen minute drive. Kate kept her eyes glued to her hands in her lap, while mine never left the road.

When I turned off the engine in front of my first floor apartment, I counted on her to follow me. I didn't look over my shoulder, but I could hear her labored breathing. She was sick, which didn't surprise me.

I let her into the apartment first, locking the door behind us. She didn't venture more than five feet from the door. I dropped my keys on the kitchen counter and flipped the light switch… and held back a gasp.

Kate had always been small, but she'd spent a few years in the military. Her body now hardly had any fat on it, never mind extra muscle. Her hair – no, her whole body – looked as if it hadn't been washed for quite a while.

She frowned. "Not pretty, am I?" She tugged the neck of her poorly fitted shirt where it had slid off one of her bony shoulders.

"Need anything?" I asked her.

She shook her head. "Just your couch for tonight.

I focused on her matted hair and dirty clothes that were far too big for her. "Wait here."

I walked into my bedroom and pulled a clean t-shirt and a pair of boxers from my dresser. Not the best, but it was better than what she was wearing now. I handed them to her back in the kitchen. "Here; throw away what you have on now."

"Thanks," she said. I showed her the bathroom and a clean washcloth so she could clean up a bit if she wanted to. I left her alone while I went to set up her bed on the couch with spare blankets and pillows.

Kate reappeared a moment later, her arms wrapped across her chest. She instantly draped a blanket over her shoulders. "Cold?" I asked. She nodded.

"You've got plenty of blankets here. I'll be right there in the next room, wake me if you need anything. I'll be gone tomorrow, early."

Kate nodded. "Goodnight, Roy."

I shifted uncomfortably. "Goodnight."

Only when I was behind my bedroom door did I allow myself to breathe. I thought back to the last time she'd shown up out of the blue, claiming to be clean. A week later she was gone, having taken all the money she could find to pay for her addictions. That was when I decided I was done with her.

And yet here we were again. I'd let her into my house and she was sleeping on my couch. Stupid Roy, so stupid, I told myself. I had let a thief and an addict into my house, it didn't matter whether or not she was family. But I had to let her stay, didn't I? That was the stupid thing called compassion.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Canned Pears

_Wow, two chapters in one day? Don't get your hopes up… it probably won't last. This morning I was feeling very lightheaded and the only thing I could think of doing was write… so I guess feeling sick does have its advantages!_

_I had to stop myself a few times from writing Roy Mustang as someone much younger than a man in his early thirties… gotta keep that in mind. Please don't get mad if he's not perfect (because he probably wont be…)_

_I would appreciate any reviews you can give, just so I know you're out there and I'm not just talking to myself… I do enough of that as it is…_

* * *

I woke up to my alarm the next morning like I did every morning. As if last night hadn't happened and there wasn't an addict sleeping on my couch. I was tempted to believe it had all been a dream, but my back was sore from all the tossing around I'd done the previous night before I finally drifted off. I'd hardly been asleep long enough for dreams.

I stood stiffly and went to check on Kate. She was still on the couch, curled up in a little ball with a blanket. She seemed to be fast asleep and it was still dark outside. I left her and headed straight to the shower.

I blasted cold water for the first minute to shock myself awake. Ten minutes later I was putting on my uniform, the same old morning routine. But it felt so wrong to be doing normal, everyday things today. Nothing felt normal anymore.

After lacing up my boots, I walked into the living room. Kate was still asleep, and I saw no reason to wake her. In fact, my day would be a lot easier if I left without speaking to her. So I grabbed a protein bar from the kitchen, jammed my hat on my head, and left without making myself coffee. I would get to work early, but what difference did that make? Hawkeye always gave me a look when I was late.

xXx

"Are you all right, sir?" Lieutenant Hawkeye set a stack of papers and a fresh cup of coffee down in front of me. "You seem distracted."

I waved her off. "Couldn't sleep last night."

"I should have left you on your desk then," she replied. I couldn't tell whether or not she was satisfied with my answer. I hoped she couldn't guess the real reason for my distraction.

Riza knew about Kate, of course. The two had been acquaintances back when I'd trained with her father; I think it was Riza who influenced my sister to join the military. But they hadn't spoken for years, not since Ishbal, surely. Riza also knew about Kate's addiction. She'd been discharged from the military for it after all, and anyone who has access to my military file has access to hers too. I'd even told Riza the last time Kate had come to me four years ago, but we hadn't discussed her since then. I had told Riza I was done with my sister.

Part of me wanted to open up to the Lieutenant. We'd been through hell together and I trusted her with my life. But this was personal; this was my mess to deal with. And I didn't want to tell Riza Hawkeye that I had no idea what to do this time.

By the end of the day I was struggling to stay awake, but I didn't allow myself to fall asleep. I needed to get home. I left early, which earned a curious look from Hawkeye, but I didn't care. I just couldn't stay a minute longer.

I'm not sure what I expected to come home to, but it certainly wasn't my sister sitting on the kitchen counter slurping liquid from a can of pears. I stared for a second.

"Hi." What else was I supposed to say?

She swallowed and looked back at me. "Hi, Roy."

She was still wearing my boxers, but also had on one of my sweatshirts. I felt more than a little annoyed at her for her going through my things, but honestly I almost smiled to see her with canned pears. She loved them, almost to an obsessive degree. I noticed two other empty cans sitting in the sink. Of course, she was probably starving.

Kate noticed me staring at her and set the can down. "I… you don't mind do you?"

I shook my head. "No, go for it."

She nodded and grabbed the can again. She started shoveling pears into her mouth with her hands. It was kind of disgusting, so I left her to it and went to the bedroom to remove my jacket and boots. As I sat down on the bed, I realized my heart was racing. My sister and I had exchanged barely a dozen words, and already it had me rattled. It sounded stupid to admit, but I was better at handling bullets and explosions than this intense family crap.

I returned to the kitchen to find Kate still slurping up pears. "I do have silverware," I muttered and tossed her a clean fork from one of the drawers.

"Thanks," she said, pear juice dribbling down her chin and off her fingers. As she used the fork, I saw now something I hadn't noticed before. Her hands were trembling – no, more than that. They were shaking.

I cleared my throat. "I was going to make something for myself. You want anything?"

She shook her head. "Not to eat. I'd take a shower though."

" 'kay." I wasn't going to stop her. It made me cringe to look at her sloppy black ponytail. It looked like her hair had been up that way for weeks without being washed. She watched me until I turned away. I started digging through the pantry, hoping she'd be gone by the time I turned around. Her eyes seemed too large for her gaunt face, and I felt uneasy looking into them.

I waited until I heard the shower running to turn around with a can of soup. I poured it into a pot and clicked on the stove. I clenched and unclenched my fists a few times, staring at the three empty pear cans in the sink. I was biting back anger at Kate; anger for her showing up, for being so sick, for eating canned pears on the kitchen counter and being so damn much like the old Kate I had grown up with.

Everything would have been different if she'd been the Kate I'd envisioned in my mind for the past few years: a liar and a thief, taking advantage of her family just to feed her own vices. I didn't know how to deal with this Kate, the one who was sick and starving and so obviously in need of my help.

I didn't notice that my soup was hot until it was boiling over and burning on the stovetop. "Dammit!" I said, yanking the pot off the flames.

"You okay?"

I flinched. Why did her voice make me jump? "Yeah," I said, "fine." I found a bowl to dump my soup into and threw the pot back on the stove. I grabbed a spoon and sat at the table to eat.

Kate stood in the doorway, back in my boxers and sweatshirt, her hair dripping. With as short as her shower had been, I wondered how clean she could possibly be. She was watching me again; I didn't look up. Finally, she stepped through the door and began wiping up the spilled soup with paper towels. I don't know why it bothered me to see her cleaning my kitchen for me, but it did.

When she was finished, she walked over to the table and slipped silently into the chair across from me. I didn't look up.

"Good day at work?" she asked timidly.

I nodded. I glanced up briefly. She was watching me eat, biting her cracked lower lip. I almost asked her if she was sure she didn't want anything else to eat, but stopped myself. She had a mouth and I knew she could use it.

A knock on the door broke the silence. Kate looked up at the sound; I didn't move. I was pretty much hoping they'd go away.

Whoever was there was persistent though, and the knocking continued. Finally, I stood up, walked to the door, and opened it just a crack. It was Riza, probably come to check up on me.

I slid outside and closed the door behind me. "Good evening, Lieutenant."

She saluted. "Colonel. You left these at the office." She held out my hat and ignition gloves; I must have left them on the desk. A nice gesture, her bringing them to me, but not necessary. It was a poor excuse for a visit.

I snatched them from her and started to open the door. "Thanks, goodnight Lieutenant."

"Roy, wait." I paused. "Are you all right?"

I nodded. "Tired, that's all."

She didn't seem satisfied. "Take time to rest tomorrow then."

"I will." Tomorrow was Sunday, my day off. "Go home, Hawkeye. Don't worry about me."

Riza hesitated for a moment. "Goodnight, sir."

I waited until she had walked to her car before I went back inside. I tossed my things on the table and locked the door.

"Who was there?"

I looked at Kate for a minute. "Lieutenant Hawkeye."

"Oh… how is she?"

"Fine."

"Does she know I'm here?"

"No." Kate didn't say anymore, but continued to sit at the table in silence. "I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Roy," she almost whispered.

Once in the bedroom I didn't even bother to change. I wasn't planning on sleeping anytime soon, even though I was exhausted. Instead, I walked over to the closet and stretched to reach something in the corner of the top shelf. It was a beat-up cardboard box, water damaged and covered with peeling strips of tape.

I choked on the dust that billowed as opened the box. Coughing, I waved it away with my hand. Inside this small box was all I had left of my sister. It was filled about halfway with mostly pictures and notes. On top was one that was close to thirty years old; it was faded, curling at the edges, and stained with what could have been coffee. It was a picture of the two of us back when Kate couldn't have been more than a few months old.

I was sitting in a big armchair, looking thoroughly displeased to be holding my baby sister. She, on the other hand, seemed perfectly content and asleep. I didn't remember the picture being taken, but I smiled at the memory it had captured. It wasn't until Kate was about four – and fully potty trained – that I began to embrace the whole big brother thing. I was good at it too. But things had been simpler back then.

I dropped the picture back into the box and slammed it shut. It was too soon; I was still too confused about her being here, about her being my sister again. It wasn't something I could think about right now.

I laid down on my bed without even turning out the lights. I stared up at the ceiling for a long time. I must have fallen asleep at some point, because I was woken up a few hours later to the bedroom door thumping shut.

I bolted upright and my eyes locked with Kate's. She was standing there in my sweatshirt with the shirt I'd given her yesterday in one hand.

"What the hell are you doing?" I said, a little too harshly.

"I was… looking for a new shirt." She avoided my gaze.

I walked over to her and snatched up the one Kate held in her hand. "What's wrong with this one?" There were bloodstains on it. "What did you do?"

She looked flustered. "Bloody nose… I get them sometimes."

I threw the bloody shirt into a corner with other dirty clothes and found her a new one. "I'll have to get you some clothes tomorrow. If you're going to bleed on someone's shirts, they might as well be you own."

She nodded. "Thanks," she said, taking the shirt I held out to her. I grunted in reply and she crept back into the living room.

I locked the door behind her. I didn't exactly like the idea of her being able to invade my personal space any time she wished. I had to pace the room for a minute to let myself cool down. Even the slightest encounter with her left me angry. What the hell was wrong with me?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: We Need to Talk

_Ahh I'm getting readers! And followers! And even a review! I love you guys! I'm going to try and respond to most people's reviews because I follow another author who does that and I think it's nice :D_

_lilaclily00:__ You have no idea how excited I was to get your review! I had a little freak-out session in my room I was so happy! You really made me smile! And I completely agree… my sister is 8 years older than me so we aren't super close, but if anything like this happened between us, I'd be devastated :'( Thanks for following my little story!_

_PS I tried to upload this last night... but I was far too tired and had to give up :(_

* * *

I came out of my room the next morning expecting to find my sister asleep again. She wasn't; she was sitting on the couch hugging her knees to her chest and staring out the window. I don't know what she was looking at, because the only view was the gray brick wall of the next apartment building.

She looked up at me. "You're dressed casual."

"It's my day off."

"Roy… We should talk."

Just what I didn't want to hear. "I told you I'd get you some of your own clothes today, remember?"

Kate glanced out the window again. "Yeah. Later, then?"

"Sure, later. You want to come with?" She shook her head. I turned to go, grabbing my keys off the kitchen counter. "I'll be back in a bit then."

It should be known that I know very little about female fashion. That is, I know what I like to see on women, but I'm not entirely sure what is considered "in fashion". And I especially don't know what my sister would chose to wear if she could.

So I decided to go with what was practical. She hadn't bothered to come with me, after all, so she didn't get much say in what I bought for her. Not that I had wanted her to come anyway…

I ignored all the odd looks I got and tried to keep a low profile as I browsed the women's section at the first store I stopped at. They specialized in selling fitness clothes, so I figured I'd find some practical options there. Half an hour later I was walking out with several pairs of athletic shorts, pants, and a few t-shirts. I'd even ventured to buy a package of the female equivalent of boxers. I had no idea what Kate would wear if given the choice, and I figured what was comfortable enough for me was comfortable enough for her.

My face was still red when I started the drive home thanks the girl behind the counter at the store. She'd barely been able to keep from bursting out in laughter at the sight of a grown man buying women's underwear. At least she hadn't seemed to have recognized me.

Kate hadn't moved from her spot on the couch when I came back. I tossed the bags of clothes next to her.

"Here," I said. "I don't want to talk about the experience of buying clothes for you."

"Thank you, Roy," she said. She was so polite it was strange.

"I didn't know if you'd need shoes or not…"

"I have these," she said, cutting me off. She patted a worn pair of boots that were lying next to the couch. After a moment I realized they were combat boots, probably the same ones she'd worn in Ishbal. She kept them after all these years?

"Roy…" she was looking right at me again. I forced myself to meet her eyes. They were dark brown, just a few shades off the black of my own eyes. "Roy, we need to talk."

I sighed softly and sat on the edge of the coffee table, facing her. "All right, I'm here. Let's talk."

"I don't know how much this will mean to you right now, but things really have changed. I'm… different, Roy. I haven't touched a needle in months."

"I'd like to know why you touched one in the first place," I murmured.

Kate was silent for moment. "We all have to cope somehow."

I shook my head. Did she think that justified her actions? Because it certainly didn't to me. "I saw just as much shit in Ishbal as you did, probably worse in fact. So did Hawkeye, and she's solid as a rock."

Kate looked down and I knew I'd gone too far. I didn't apologize though. "I'm not you, and I'm not Hawkeye. I found my way of coping, and I've paid for it."

"Really? And where have you been for the last ten years? How have you been paying for your mistakes all this time? It's all fine for you." I was being unfair, but my anger refused to be managed.

She leaned forward so her face was closer to mine. "Take a look at me, Roy. Do I look even close to fine to you? Does this look fine to you?"

She jerked the sleeve of the sweatshirt up to her shoulder so I could see her arm. Above the elbow was a mess of scars and little red welts. It looked infected; healing, but still infected. Needle marks from the countless times she'd 'coped' with Ishbal. It looked bad, but not the worst I'd seen. If her intention was to shock me, it wasn't working.

"You made your own choices. No one forced you to inject that stuff into your body."

Kate leaned back into the couch. "No, I guess they didn't. But no one tried very hard to stop me either." She looked right at me again, and it stung. It stung because she was right.

Once the conflict in Ishbal ended, Kate was long gone. All official records of her stopped as soon as the military discharged her. I tried to hunt her down myself, but by the time I finally did find her, I was beginning to rise through the ranks and attract attention from the higher ups. What kind of image would it give a young man hoping to one day be Fuhrer to have a drug-addicted sister hanging around?

So yeah, my motives were selfish as hell. And I damn near hated myself for it.

"Roy…?" Kate's voice was soft. "I came to you because I need your help. We've both screwed up bad. We've both seen some crap. And if you think this is easy for me, then you're wrong. I don't trust you yet either. But I need you."

I looked at her; all I saw were her skinny pale knees, hollow eyes, and greasy black hair. I saw a person, but I couldn't see my sister. I stood up.

"Get dressed; I'll be in the shower." I walked across the room, pausing outside the bedroom door. "Keep that sweatshirt if you want."

I cranked the shower on full blast to let it warm up. My eyes stung, but I didn't cry. For the first time since I'd seen her face two days ago, my anger wasn't all directed at her. I had found a new target in myself. Perhaps this was real reason I hadn't wanted to meet her again; not because it hurt me to see her like this, but because I couldn't bear to face my own selfish heart.

_I need you._ Her words gnawed at me. Why? Because I didn't need her in my life. And at this point, I didn't even want her.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: I Get Nightmares Too

_Peanut butter pop-tarts are bae, you guys…_

_crossover15:__ In all likelihood, we won't be seeing any of Ed or Winry. With what I have planned for this fic, I couldn't bring them in except for the sake of having them be there. But soon we'll start seeing more of "Roy's Groupies" as I call them – Hawkeye, Breda, Fuery, and Havoc. I also have some other fics in the works that I'll publish eventually, some of which will include other characters :D_

_lilaclily00:__ I know right! That probably would have killed poor Roy XD_

* * *

Ash tickled my face as it fell to the ground. Bitter smoke clogged the air, but my lungs were accustomed to breathing it in. I lowered my gloved hand and surveyed the ground surrounding me. It was all black, except for a circle around my feet. The entire street ahead of me was destroyed. The remnants of houses and buildings rose up like skeletons on either side of me. Between piles of rubble were the charred remains of tables, chairs, beds… and worst of all, people.

I stepped forward, the wind beginning to clear away the smoke. I'd used alchemy to snuff out the flames as quickly as I'd created them, but embers still glowed at my feet. A hand reached out from behind a mound of wreckage, blackened pieces of flesh hanging off its fingers like rags. I moved closer and saw that the hand belonged to a child, burned on every part of their body except one. The face was completely whole. I gasped as I recognized the features; it was Kate.

Frantically, I raised my hand and snapped my fingers once, twice, a dozen times. The flames burst out from my fingertips and engulfed us both, but I didn't stop. I could feel my own flesh searing off and heard Kate's ragged screams as the fire raged.

I woke from the nightmare gasping and choking as if the smoke had been real. I stumbled to the kitchen for some ice water. I downed two glasses before my throat stopped burning.

"Roy?" The light from the freezer lit up on Kate standing in the doorway.

My voice struggled to form words. "Sorry I woke you," I said. The glass shook in my hand.

Kate walked slowly across the tiled floor. She took the glass from me and placed it on the counter. "I get nightmares too."

She reached out and put a hand on my face. I pulled back from her. A wave of nausea swept over me and I sank to floor. She knelt beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I could feel her thin fingers trembling through my shirt.

"Was it about Ishbal?"

"What else?" I snapped, eyes on the floor. As the nausea faded, I sat upright with my back against the wall. Kate stood up and refilled my glass with cold water. She sat down next to me, not too close, and put her hand on my shoulder again.

I took a drink and rested my forehead in my palm. Kate rubbed her hand up and down on my back gently. "You get nightmares about Ishbal too?" I asked.

"Yeah, some nights."

In the past ten years, Ishbal was the only thing we shared. We never saw each other during the actual conflict – she was in a completely different unit – but it was still one of the few things that could connect us. We couldn't exactly talk about our experiences like old war buddies, but here she was comforting me after a nightmare. It was the next best thing, I suppose.

We stayed like that for about an hour, neither of us saying a word. For the first time in two days, I didn't feel anger to be next to my sister. I let her keep her unsteady hand on my shoulder. I realized it must be a side effect of the drugs. What else did she go through that I couldn't see?

Her hand slid suddenly off my shoulder and into her lap. "Roy, can you get me access to a shooting range?"

"What?" Her question was unexpected to say the least.

She twisted her hands together in front of her. "I need to cope somehow."

"So you intend to cope by shooting things?"

She smiled. "Yes, that's exactly what I intend to do."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: Trouble in Ishbal (I'm bad at chapter titles...)

_Yay for updates! I was doing so well for two days… but then poof, those pesky obligations caught up with me. So basically at this point it's kind of the choice between writing my graduation speech and getting schoolwork done or… writing fanfiction. So sadly I cannot update nearly as regularly as I wish I could. I might have to start forfeiting sleep pretty soon! But I've started to get really excited about this fic! I have plans… Right now it's kind of boring, I know, but soon enough things will pick up. Things in this chapter will help start the action._

* * *

My sister was scary as hell with a gun.

She wasn't as accurate as Hawkeye, but she was focused. Once she had a weapon, her whole attitude changed. The tremor in her hands wasn't nearly as noticeable as she fired off round after round. The past ten years didn't seem to matter the second she pulled the trigger. She was still a soldier.

We were at a military shooting range in East Central. I was easy enough to recognize, and was able to use my influence to get Kate in without many questions. All I told anyone who asked was that she was an old friend who needed help with trauma recovery.

I couldn't stay with her because of work, but I honestly felt better about leaving her alone here than at my apartment. She was in her element. Still, I couldn't leave her totally unsupervised.

"Leann, keep an eye on her will you?" Leann was one of the young military cadets who worked at the range. She was busily cleaning guns when I approached her. She almost dropped the weapon she was scrubbing when she saw who was speaking to her.

"Oh, yes sir!" she said, far too loudly. I sighed, hoping she wouldn't carry out my request too eagerly.

xXx

"Feeling better this morning, sir?" Hawkeye saluted as I entered the office.

"Yeah, I'm great," I said. I walked to my desk and sat down. I was not looking forward to another day of paperwork.

"There's something I need to talk to you about, sir." The Lieutenant's tone sounded serious.

Great. Probably something about my behavior the last couple of days.

"It's about current events in Ishbal, sir." Okay, that was unexpected. I furrowed my brow.

"You'd better sit down, then."

Riza pulled up a chair and sat across from me. She laid down a thin stack of papers on top of the desk. "These crime reports came in about a week ago from Ishbal." Because of our efforts to rebuild Amestrian relations with Ishbal, we had an active role in current Ishbalan affairs. We were helping the people to get back on their feet. I was up to my eyeballs in report after report of events that took place there.

The Lieutenant leaned forward in her chair. "Your secretary gave them to me when you were out of the office."

I rifled through the stack of papers. There were four separate crime reports there. "So..? We get junk like this from Ishbal all the time. Unless it's related to Amestris or the rebuilding of Ishbal, we don't get involved. Let the Ishbalans deal with their own crimes."

"That's what I thought too, sir, which is why I've put off looking them over. But last night I read through them… there are four different violent crimes that have taken place in Ishbal within the past month, each of them increasing in severity. The first was the armed robbery of an Ishbalan citizen, followed a few days later by the mugging of a prominent Ishbalan military officer. About a week later, an Ishbalan official was stabbed as he was walking home one night. The last happened just two weeks ago. Two Ishbalan civilians were murdered in broad daylight."

I frowned. "Well I'm sorry for the Ishbalans, and I'm surprised I didn't hear about this sooner, especially since they're such violent crimes… but I still don't see why they're so important to Amestris."

"Because, sir… witnesses at all four crimes say they were committed by Amestrians."

"What?" I stood up. "And we're only now hearing about this?"

"Like I said sir, it's my fault for not looking at these reports sooner. But after I read the files, I did a little more digging. I've found very little official documentation of these crimes outside of the Ishbalan reports. I would almost say-"

"Someone's trying a little too hard to keep this off Amestris's radars…" I sighed. "Just when we were starting to make some real progress in Ishbal, too."

"At this point, there isn't a lot of evidence I can dig up, but I've contacted some of our people in Ishbal," Riza said. "They're going to do some investigating of their own."

"Did you call up Fuery?"

Riza smiled, "He was the first on my list. But you know sir… this might be serious enough to require a trip to Ishbal. If Amestrians keep committing violent crimes against Ishbal, we could have another war on our hands."

"I know." I rubbed my forehead. "We need to avoid war at all costs; that's something neither us nor Ishbal can afford right now. I might have to contact Fuery myself to see if he can work some magic for us over there. After all they've been through, avoiding another conflict with Ishbal has to be our top priority."

* * *

_There was an awesome thunderstorm happening outside when I wrote most of this chapter… Oh rain, how I love you…_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: Being the Big Brother

_I liked writing this chapter, guys..._

_speedfanatic05:__ Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm glad you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. I like reading all your insights too; some of those things I hadn't even thought of!_

* * *

I stopped by my apartment partway through the afternoon to grab some lunch. Food was one thing I almost never forgot to bring into work, but it seemed that Kate's arrival was making me lose my mind.

I dug some leftovers out of the fridge and threw them in the microwave. I was about to toss the empty container into the sink when I realized that there was something already in there. It was one of Kate's t-shirts.

"Roy, why are you back already?"

I glared at Kate, trying not to show that she'd startled me. "Why are you? How did you even get here?"

"I walked, it's not that far."

"The door was locked."

"I used the window." She crossed her arms

I scowled and pulled my plate of food out of the microwave. "Mind telling me why your shirt is in my sink?"

"Bloody nose," she said.

"Again?"

"I get them a lot."

I leaned against the counter and started downing my food. Kate was watching me again. "Roy, why didn't you tell me you were helping rebuild peace with Ishbal?"

I swallowed another bite. "Where'd you hear that?"

"I was talking to that girl you assigned to stalk me at the range."

"Leann? I told her to keep an eye on you." I sighed. I should have known better. "What difference does it make what I'm doing with Ishbal?"

"I didn't know, that's all. I'm not exactly up to date on current events." I scraped the last bits of food off my plate. "I'm glad they're getting help from you."

"Seeing as how I was one of their chief executioners, I figured it should be me."

Kate frowned, her eyes looking sad. "Don't say that about yourself."

"It's true." I shrugged. "No matter how you look at it, it's true." I went to put my plate in the sink, but remembering the shirt, placed it on the counter instead. "Do something with that, will you?" I gathered up my things and put my hat back on. "I'll be back late, so don't wait up. And stay out of trouble."

I didn't wait for a reply before I walked out the door.

xXx

It was well past midnight before I made it back home. Hawkeye and I had spent the better part of the night looking through recent reports we'd received from Ishbal for sign of anything unusual. We hadn't found much that was worthwhile.

I tried to be quiet as I came inside. Kate would probably be asleep, and I didn't want to risk waking her up and having to start another conversation. I wasn't expecting to find her sitting on the kitchen floor, bathed in the light of the refrigerator.

"Kate, what the hell are you doing?" She fixed me with a vacant stare and brushed messy hairs off her forehead with one of her trembling hands. Beside her was a half-empty bottle of alcohol. Damn, it was my own fault for not hiding it better.

I knelt down in front of her and picked up the bottle. "Hey, what's this for?"

"You didn't have anything stronger in the house." Thank god she hadn't found my medicine cabinet.

"Was it nightmares, then?" This felt exactly like the previous night.

Kate shook her head. "No, flashbacks." She covered her face with her hands. While nightmares twisted the memories into new horrors, flashbacks told it how it was. You didn't have the comfort of telling yourself it was only a dream.

She reached for the bottle, but I gently pulled it out of her reach. "Come on, I'll get something to help you sleep." I pulled her to her feet and helped steady her steps to the couch. The pillows and blankets were all askew, like she'd been thrashing around a lot.

"Wait right here, I'll be back." I returned to the kitchen and fished out the last can of pears from the pantry. I dumped its contents into a bowl with an outrageous amount of sugar and cinnamon before heating it up in the microwave. She used to make them like this all the time growing up, which I hated because it was far too sweet.

It was almost sick how much her eyes lit up when she saw what I was bringing her.

I left her to her bowl of pears while I went to get some sleep pills. I didn't like using them, but some nights left me no other choice so I kept them on hand.

"Knock on my door if you need anything else," I told her, "but these should help."

"Thanks," she said. She was out ten minutes later. I felt relieved to see her chest rising and falling steadily. Besides my own, I'd never had to deal with anyone's Ishbal flashbacks.

I started to pull the blanket up over her when I noticed something odd about how her shirt was lying. It was as if something was bunched up underneath it on her stomach. I pulled up the hem of her shirt to reveal part of a thick bandage. That was odd; Kate hadn't mentioned any injuries.

I pulled the shirt up higher and saw that the bandage covered her entire stomach, from the bottom of her rib cage to her hips. There were small patches where blood was starting to soak through. I began to peel back the layers of the bandage to get a look at the wound itself. I wasn't at all prepared for what I saw.

It looked like her abdomen had been ripped open in multiple places. A thick, gooey mixture of blood and yellowish liquid oozed from the gashes. The whole area was red and puffy, but the edges were pale pink and pinched, like scars. It looked like an old wound that had recently been reopened. But that wasn't even the most horrifying part. At first I didn't notice it; the bloody mess distracted me, but I saw that one of the scars wasn't like the others. It was a perfect circle. A scar in the shape of a transmutation circle surrounded the whole wound, as if someone had carved it into her skin with a knife.

"Kate," I whispered to her sleeping figure, "what the hell happened to you?"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: What the Hell Happened

_This chapter was a total blast to write… gotta love backstory! XD_

_speedfanatic05:__ Yeah, Roy has a lot of negative feelings about his sister, but he can't in good conscience let another Ishbal survivor suffer the flashbacks alone. He knows what she's going through all too well!_

_lilaclily00:__ Mwahaha I admit I feel very pleased to know you're freaking out! XD_

* * *

"Kate, you have to talk to me. You've been hiding it, but I have to know what I saw last night."

It was later than I always left for work, but for once I didn't care. I'd been at Kate's side the moment she woke up. She knew right away that something was different; I wouldn't have been waiting for her otherwise. Once I'd told her, she hadn't said a word, just locked herself in the bathroom. I couldn't hear anything coming from inside.

I pounded on the door again. "Don't make me call someone."

Kate threw the door open a moment later. "Don't do that."

"Why shouldn't I?"

She was still for a minute. "Bring me a bowl of warm water and a rag. Then I'll talk."

She sat down on the couch while I went to get the water and cloth. I set them on the coffee table and sat beside her. She was beginning to undo the bandage, exposing the shredded flesh beneath. It looked worse than I remembered now that I could look at it in the daylight, all puffy and red.

"It happened in Ishbal."

I tore my gaze from her wound to meet her eyes. "But Ishbal was ten years ago... That's not possible."

"Let me talk, Roy." She dipped a corner of the rag into the bowl and began wiping away some of the blood. "My squadron followed Solf Kimblee in Ishbal once they started getting the state alchemists involved. Our job was to go into a city after he'd had his way with it and search for survivors so we could eliminate them." I couldn't see her face because she was looking down, focused on cleaning her wound.

"I met an Amestrian alchemist there, Dr. Keirs."

"I don't recognize the name."

"He wasn't state certified. They didn't even know he was there. He moved to Ishbal to smuggle civilians to safety. When I met him he had about a dozen soldiers helping him, and I became one of them.

"With Keirs's alchemy, we were able to be more secretive with our operations – digging tunnels underground and breaking holes in walls. That kind of thing."

Kate paused to lean down and pull a little bottle out of one of her boots on the floor. She opened it up and poured a little on the rag. Hands shaking, she gently pressed it to one of the gashes, wincing in pain. Iodine, most likely.

She took a deep breath and continued. "But whatever we did wasn't enough for him. Dr. Keirs wanted a way to get a lot of Ishbalans to safety quickly. So he started experimenting with human transmutation."

"He should have known better than to fool with that," I muttered.

"He thought he could do it," Kate said. "He was sure of it. He thought if he wasn't using human transmutation to mess with souls… it would be all right. His plan was to move, not to change or create.

"Dr. Keirs had been experimenting with long-range transmutations before Ishbal. He'd succeeded in moving small objects distances of half a mile or more – rocks, books, even house plants. But that's nothing like moving humans."

"The bastartd tried it anyway, didn't he?"

Kate nodded. "We didn't have time to be scientific. We were trying to move a group of schoolchildren out of a city with Amestrian forces closing in. He had to try it right then." Her voice started to shake. "I don't know what happened, I don't know if his circle was wrong or his method… or if such a thing just wasn't possible. I was one of the lucky ones because I was on the edge of the circle. I just got some of my insides junked up and my stomach split open. The others… some were separated from body parts, got turned inside out… All those kids."

She broke down at the mention of the children they'd been unable to save. Her hands covered her face and her shoulders shook. I let her cry for a minute until blood started dripping from her stomach as a result of her tensed muscles. I took both her hands in one of mine, laying the other on her back. "Kate, you're hurting yourself." I kept my hands on her for comfort until she calmed down. She started using the iodine on the gashes after a few minutes.

"How did that scar happen?" I asked. I knew I was probably pressing her farther than she wanted to go right now, but I had to know.

"That was Dr. Keirs," she whispered. "He cut the circle and used alchemy to seal the wounds. Or at least he tried. They don't heal."

"But if he used human transmutation methods for his theory… that means you've been through the Portal. Kate, have you me the Truth?"

"I wouldn't say we've met. But yes, I've been through the Portal."

I grabbed her hands again because they were shaking so much and it made me nervous that she was moving them near her torn skin. She met my eyes and I could see terror shining out of hers. She leaned against me, trembling. I could feel the heat of her blood soaking through my shirt, but I didn't pull away. For the first time in years, I just held her.

"Have you been through too?"

I nodded. "I was forced through, but it's all the same I guess."

"It was all white… it was like I was falling but not going anywhere. And the Truth… it was just mouth, a mouth on an empty face that was whiter than the whiteness."

She was rambling, but I understood every word. "It's okay, don't talk." I could tell she was on the brink of panic, and I wanted to avoid dealing with more flashbacks if I could.

It was a while before she leaned away from me. Her body had stopped shaking and her eyes were calm. Her hands were still shaking as she wiped away the fresh blood, but she had more control over them now.

"It didn't take anything from you – the Truth... didn't take a toll?"

"It's not what he took… it's what he gave. I have a wound that will never heal. I'll never be able to forget what happened in Ishbal because I have to see this every day. I have to feel it every second."

I watched her as she began to rewrap the wound with the same bandage. I wondered how many times she'd done this before so that even when she was on the edge of a panic attack, it came naturally.

"After our plan failed, we didn't have much choice but to go our separate ways. The war was over in a few weeks anyway. I was discharged from the army then, and you know why. So that's it."

I was silent as I watched her hands work. I didn't speak until she had secured the wrapping and pulled her shirt back down over her stomach. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I don't tell anyone, Roy. No one really knows the truth about me. What would they do if they found out? Amestrians didn't belong in Ishbal back then, everyone knows that now, but that doesn't change the fact that I betrayed my army and helped the enemy. I fired on my own people. And to top it all off, I took part in an unethical experiment involving human transmutation that resulted in the death of half a dozen Ishbalan children. My record already has black marks, and I don't want to add any more."

"Won't you at least let me take you to someone? A doctor can treat you without knowing the whole story."

Kate was shaking her head before I was done talking. "It won't do any good. I've been to doctors, surgeons, alchemists… they all have to know the truth eventually when they realize they're dealing with a wound that will never fully heal."

"Is that why… you did it because of the pain, didn't you?"

"I won't use that as an excuse. It was for the pain, yes, but also the war and the Portal and the nightmares and those children. I wanted to escape from everything that'd happened. That's all."

I looked at my hands because I couldn't meet her eyes. I knew if I did I would finally see the pain shining out of them. Maybe she didn't see it as an excuse, but I couldn't blame her so much for the past ten years when I thought of the constant pain she'd dealt with all that time. And yet she'd brought it on herself hadn't she? Human transmutation was illegal for a reason; she wasn't an alchemist, but almost anyone knew that. She should have known better.

The silence was broken by a knock on the door. I recognized the solid sound, like whoever it was meant business.

"That's Hawkeye," I said. "I'm way late for work."

"Go if you have to. I'll be fine."

I glanced back at her as I went to answer the door. I didn't doubt she'd be okay, but for once I didn't want to get away from her. Maybe I could send Hawkeye away without too much suspicion.

"Sir." Riza saluted as I opened the door. "Are you all right?" She looked me up and down, observing the fact that I was in a t-shirt and sweats. "You really should get a phone, sir. It would have saved me the trip."

"Sorry, Lieutenant. I'm… something's come up."

"I'm sorry Sir, but I'm afraid this is more important." She lowered her voice and stepped closer. "There's been another incident in Ishbal."

* * *

_Later on there will be a chapter told from Kate's POV telling the whole story in detail... but that'll have to come later._


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight: Red Lotus

_I wanted to have this chapter up yesterday afternoon, but I was feeling so sick I just couldn't write... but here it is, better late than never!_

_TheMidnightwolf15:__ Yeah, poor Ishbal! They get a lot of crap for sure… Most likely, Kate's path won't cross with Ed or Al, but I don't have every detail of this fic planned out, so it's possible!_

_speedfanatic05:__ Thanks! I am excited to start getting into more Ishbal stuff here :D_

"We know who's responsible this time, at least. In fact, they've claimed responsibility for all the recent violent acts in Ishbal." Hawkeye handed me a thin file. "This is all we've been able to find out about them so far."

"Them?" Riza and I were in my office now. I was dressed in my full uniform, ready for duty. I hadn't wanted to leave Kate at home, but I didn't feel as if I had another choice. Ishbal took top priority.

"They call themselves the Red Lotus, apparently named in honor of former state alchemist Solf J. Kimblee, the "Red Lotus" Alchemist. They're a group of Amestrian terrorists who still harbor animosity toward the Ishbalan people. They're led by this man." Hawkeye opened the file and pointed to a picture of a middle-aged Amestrian with black hair. "His name is Carlan Brish."

"Brish… the name sounds familiar," I said.

"He was a state alchemist, but his certification was revoked last year when he was heard speaking out against the rights of the Ishbalan people. It seems he and his followers are a group of fanatics who still believe in Amestrian superiority over Ishbal. They believe that the war was justified, and Amestris should continue with the extermination of the Ishbalan people."

I gritted my teeth. "As hard as we try, we'll never get rid of all the monsters, will we?" I looked at the pictures in front of me from the aftermath of the latest incident. The "Red Lotus" had set explosives in the center of an Ishbalan town, beside a shrine to the Ishbalan deity Ishbala. The explosion had killed four people - one of whom was a child - and injured a dozen others.

"At least we know where to start with stopping the violence," I said.

"But still, knowing who they are won't help much in finding them," Hawkeye said. "They're keeping a pretty low profile, and intelligence seems to indicate that the Red Lotus has members within the military. Who knows, they could have operatives in as deep as Central."

I frowned. "That complicates things." I leaned back in my chair. "Our first priority should be to take out Brish. It won't shut down the group, I'm sure, but losing their ringleader will be a blow for them at least."

"Agreed, and we already have people on it. But sir, you're the head of our peacekeeping negotiations with Ishbal. I'm wondering what you plan to do."

I smiled at her. "I think you already know the answer to that, Lieutenant. I'll have to go to Ishbal myself to handle this, and I sure as hell won't be going alone."

Hawkeye saluted. "Ready whenever you are, sir."

"I knew you would be. I stood up. "I'll need you to brief Breda on our mission and contact Fuery in Ishbal. We'll rendezvous with him once we get there."

"Yes sir. Where are you going, sir?"

"Home, I have a few things to take care of first. We'll leave tonight, so be ready to meet me at the train station."

"Sir." Hawkeye saluted again and held the door open for me. "See you tonight."

xXx

"What's in the box, Roy?"

I set the box I was carrying down on the kitchen table. "I picked up a few things for you," I said. "Here." I reached into the box and threw a can of pears at her.

"That's the best, thanks," she said, smiling.

"And these too," I set a few rolls of fresh bandages and a bottle of iodine on the table. "You shouldn't use the same thing over and over."

Her smile faded a little, but I could tell she was grateful. "Thank you."

I fished into my pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. "In case you want to go shooting again," I explained. "It's a note from me saying to let you in."

"Where will you be?"

"I'll be gone for a while… something's come up."

Kate was quiet for a minute. "Is it about Ishbal?"

"Yeah, so I don't know how long I'll be there."

"Take me with you."

"What?" I shook my head. "No-"

"At least hear me out, Roy. I know I don't work for you… and I'm not even in the military anymore, but you have to let me do this."

"I don't have to let you do anything, Kate. Besides the gaping hole in your stomach, you're an ex-addict. You're unpredictable and we both know it. Ishbal is facing serious threats right now and I can't afford to have subordinates at my side I don't trust."

"Roy, please," she said, stepping closer. "I haven't done anything for ten years. My life is as good as wasted. Let me do something good for once!" Was I imagining the tears at the corner of her eyes?

I rubbed my forehead with one hand. I wasn't sure I could bring myself to cooperate with her in Ishbal, but things might be worse if I left her here alone. She didn't have any friends; no one even knew she was here. Who knew what could happen? It almost seemed more risky to leave her in Central with no one to look out for her than take her into a potential war zone. At least in Ishbal she'd have me and my most trusted soldiers watching her back.

"Stay here; I'll be back." If I was going to bring her along, I had to explain it to Hawkeye. "I'm not making any promises, but I'll think about it. So don't get your hopes up."


	9. Chapter 9

_Chapter Nine: No Secrets_

_My mind is trying to tell me "Just get them the heck to Ishbal already!" But these things take time…_

_speedfanatic05:__ Yeah, as much as Roy might like to leave her behind and forget about her, he's not stupid. He knows she'll probably get into trouble…_

* * *

I was pacing the sidewalk in front of my apartment, waiting for Hawkeye. I'd used the payphone at the corner and asked her to meet me as soon as she could. Naturally, I knew she'd drop everything and come right away. Sure enough, her car pulled up a few minutes later.

I jogged across the parking lot to meet her. She saluted as she got out of the car. "Sir?"

"Come with me," I said, walking past her to a bench on the far side of the lot. I sat, beckoning her to do the same.

Riza sat beside me. "What's this about, sir?"

I took a deep breath. I knew this would be hard. There were no secrets between Riza and me, so it was difficult to admit that I'd been keeping one.

"Kate's back."

Surprise flickered through Riza's eyes. "I knew something was wrong," she said, "but I wouldn't have guessed that." She folded her hands in her lap. "How is she?"

I shrugged. "She says she's clean this time."

"Do you trust her?"

"No." I sighed. "It's only been a few days. I'm not sure what to think at this point."

Riza was silent for a minute. "Why are you telling me now, Roy?"

"She asked – or demanded, really – to come with me to Ishbal. She said she needs to do something good for once."

"Do you agree with her?"

I paused. I guess I was hoping Hawkeye would tell me what I should do, but that wasn't who she was. "She came to me for help. I can't help her if I leave her here alone, but there's no telling what we'll be up against in Ishbal. There's a lot of reasons why I can't drag her into that."

"And why is that?"

"For one thing, she's no longer military because they discharged her after Ishbal. I probably won't even be able to manage it – not officially anyway. Even if I could bring her along, I don't trust her like I trust my subordinates. I can't be sure she'll have my back if it comes to fighting. Then there's the flashbacks. She won't have a good way to cope with them." I shook my head. "It just won't work; it's a bad idea."

Riza didn't say anything for a while. I was starting to wonder if she would ever talk when she said, "I know how to make a fake ID. Remember all those special ops we went on? I could cook up a fake military record easily."

I laughed. "Lieutenant Hawkeye, I believe you're suggesting something illegal."

"Only slightly illegal, sir."

"So you think this is a good idea then?"

"I see it this way, sir. She's basically been... gone for ten years. The last thing she ever really did was fight in Ishbal. It's more or less old news to us, but for her it might as well have been yesterday. This must feel like a chance for her to get closure on what happened there. Ishbal is what caused her problems. I think facing those demons head on is what will bring her through it."

"So you won't mind her coming along?"

"Not at all. Heaven knows I've had plenty of practice babysitting with you to look out for. Besides, it can't hurt to have an extra pair of hands down there. With Falman up at Briggs and Havoc still learning how to walk, our numbers are a little less than they used to be."

"Babysitting, huh?" I frowned. "Well if that's what you call it, please don't babysit my sister like you babysit me."

"Of course not, sir." Hawkeye smirked at me. "I'm sure she'll require much less care than you do."


	10. Chapter 10

_Chapter Ten: Ishbal_

_Yay, FINALLY they're off to Ishbal! It only took ten chapters… XD_

_Sorry this update took a while… I've had to work on my high school graduation speech since that's less than two weeks away now, plus preparing for my job at camp this summer, and headaches seem to have become a daily occurrence now. But today the speech is finished and I'm pain-free, so a chapter finally gets posted!_

_speedfanatic05: Roy and Riza are the best! I love them so much :D_

_lilaclily00: Your review made me laugh and grin like an idiot…_

* * *

"You know I'd be coming with you if my damn legs ever decided to sort themselves out."

"That's bull, Havoc! You just don't want the Ishbalan sun to ruin your complexion."

Havoc flicked cigarette ash in my direction. "Like hell," he said, laughing.

It was 1:57 in the morning. Havoc insisted on seeing us off, despite the ungodly hour. If he wasn't still in the middle of therapy, I knew he'd be on the train in a heartbeat, just like old times.

"Take care of yourself out there, Roy," he said, growing more serious. "And give those terrorist bastards hell for me."

"Don't worry about that," I muttered.

"And make sure the newbie doesn't get too comfortable," he said, nodding in Kate's direction. "Scrawny thing like her can't possibly replace me."

"I thought I'd give one of Central Command's paper pushers a taste of real action," I said.

Havoc spoke with his cigarette clamped between his teeth. "Well don't work her too hard. And let that Ishbalan sun put some color on her face."

"Already setting your sights on another conquest?" A real big brother would have hated someone for hitting on his sister, but I thought it was almost laughable.

"Nah, bring me back a sexy Ishbalan girl if you get the chance."

A whistle blared across the platform as the 2:00 train screeched to a halt. "Right on time," Hawkeye commented. "Ready, sir?"

I nodded. "Take it easy, Havoc! I'll see what I can do about that Ishbalan girl." I winked at him and grabbed my pack, leading the way to our train.

The seats were the kind that faced each other. Kate sat beside me, closest to the window, with Breda across from her. Hawkeye was facing me. Breda was all but unreadable when it came to his opinion of our newest team member. He'd likely make his thoughts of her known once he saw whether or not she was a capable soldier.

True to her word, Hawkeye had whipped up a fake military ID, certification, and records for Kate. "Private Keirs" was a thirty year old soldier who'd only known desk work in her six years as a member of the military. The fake name had been requested by Kate herself. I didn't see any reason to deny her. The Doctor Keirs she'd known in Ishbal would be all but forgotten by now, and was, according to Kate, dead.

But no amount of believable backstory from Hawkeye could alter the fact that Kate didn't look much like a soldier fit for combat. The uniform hid most of her bony frame, but her face was still gaunt and pale. Her hands trembled as she grasped the strap of her pack. Across from an officer like Breda, she looked more like a child play-acting a soldier.

"Fuery is set to meet us at the station when we arrive," Hawkeye said. "He'll give us all the information they've been able to gather on the Red Lotus and their whereabouts so we can start following leads."

"It'll be good to see him again," I said. "It's been a while."

Riza nodded, yawning. She tried to force it back. "Sorry sir, it's been a long day."

"Get some sleep; that's an order. We have a few hours."

She saluted with two fingers and settled in for a nap, still rigid in her seat. I dozed uncomfortably for about an hour until Breda got up to stretch his legs. Kate turned to me the second he was out of earshot.

"You're not going to tell them who I am, are you? All your old subordinates."

"I thought you were asleep," I grumbled, shifting my stiff shoulder muscles.

"Are you ashamed of me?"

"Look, Kate, this is for the sake of your ass as much as it is mine. I tell them who you really are and they'll start asking questions. Once they find out your past, they'll start to wonder why you're on this sensitive mission to Ishbal. So unless you want everyone in the military to know why you were dishonorably discharged ten years ago and how you got that hole in your stomach, you'll keep your damn mouth shut."

Kate opened her mouth to respond but turned away quickly as Breda sat back down. He glanced at Hawkeye, who was practically comatose next to him. "I wish I knew how she did it," he said.

"Me too," I said, trying to move to a more comfortable position. Kate had her head leaning against the window, eyes closed. I wondered if she could have fallen asleep that quickly.

Breda looked at her too and leaned over to talk more quietly. "You sure about this kid? If your idea was to replace Havoc, I think you missed the mark."

"She's not here to replace Havoc," I said. "Private Keirs is just with us for this mission."

"Has she even seen combat before?" Breda looked more skeptical than ever. "Hawkeye told me she was a desk worker."

"Central ordered me to bring her along, and that's what I'm doing." I wanted to be off this subject as soon as possible. "Now pipe down so I can catch a bit of sleep."

Breda was the one I was most worried about when it came to bringing Kate along. I knew he'd press to know why she was here. I could only hope that what I'd said kept his suspicion at bay.

xXx

A few hours later, Hawkeye was shaking me awake. I must have fallen asleep sometime during the ride. "We're here, sir," she said.

I stood up and smoothed down my uniform, readjusting my hat over my black hair. There were very few other passengers joining us on the platform as we climbed off the train. Ishbal wasn't exactly a popular destination for travelers at the moment.

"Fuery!" I called to the familiar figure at the end of the platform. He came to greet us, saluting the whole way.

"Good to see you again, Colonel," he said. "Welcome to Ishbal."

"I just wish it was a better time," I said. I could feel the tension in the air. The few people who had gotten off the train with us were already hurrying away to their final destinations. The train platform was in the open air, so I had a good view of the street. Next to no one was out even though it was a fine morning.

"I assume you want to be taken straight to the Amestrian military base? We have rooms prepared for all of you in the barracks." Fuery pushed his thick-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose with one finger. He looked exhausted.

"Yes, I think we'll get settled in before the briefing," I said.

"Follow me; it's not far."

We fell in behind Fuery as he led the way through the dusty streets. Hawkeye was by my side, as always, and Kate was on my other side. "Don't walk next to me," I whispered to her. She slowed pace immediately and dropped behind Breda.

"What's it been like, Fuery?" I asked aloud.

"They're scared. Ishbal was just starting to settle down when the first incidents started happening." He shook his head. "It doesn't seem fair to them at all. Everyone walks around with their heads down like they expect to be the next target – and who knows, any one of them might be."

I watched a young Ishbalan mother on the opposite side of the street, carrying a sleeping baby on one arm, holding the hand of a toddler with the other. The little boy was fussing as she dragged him along, all the while telling him to hush. She shot us a quick, nervous glance as we passed.

"How do they take to the Amestrian military?"

"For now they still trust us, for the most part, but their trust of anybody is running out."

We turned another corner and I saw the Amestrian military flag flying over a six foot stone wall. The gate was guarded by two soldiers. Three small figures stood a few feet beyond them. As we drew closer, I saw that they were Ishbalan children, dressed in rags.

Fuery held up his ID for the guards and we waited for them to open the gate. "Fuery, why are these kids here?" I whispered.

"There's usually a few who hang around. Looking for a handout, poor things. They're starving."

Kate slid past me and knelt beside the children. She spoke softly to them, but they hung back shyly and didn't respond. "Can't you do anything for them?" she asked Fuery.

He didn't look at her or the kids. "No. We hardly have enough rations to feed ourselves. Just let them be."

Kate looked at me, pleading with her eyes for me to do something. I glanced away. The gate was open now and Fuery was waiting for us to follow him. "Leave them alone, Private. That's an order." Kate reluctantly came. The smallest of the children started to follow her, but the oldest one held him back. I could feel their eyes watching us through the bars of the gate.

I cleared my throat to cut the awkward silence. "How long till our briefing?"

"About half an hour," Fuery said. "I'll show you your quarters first. Oh, and you might want to start preparing yourselves now. Scar's in on this one, and he's not been too happy these days."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven: Briefing with Scar

_Hey guys, this will probably be the last update I make for a while. I leave next Tuesday for the summer and I graduate this weekend. I'm going to try to write a couple of chapters to have on hand for if I get time off, but they may just end up being "bonus" chapters - don't expect anything! I'm back early August, so look for updates sometime after that! Once the fall starts, I hope to have a regular updating schedule._

_-pEpper13_

_speedfanatic05: I always love reading your reviews! They make me smile :D_

* * *

"I'm not asking for your promises that this will be resolved, Mustang. I'm asking you how an Amestrian terrorist ring could have developed without raising more attention in Central!"

Scar stood across from me, leaning over the table so that his face was near mine. He was taking out his frustration on me, which I could fault him for, but I couldn't say his anger was misplaced. Central should have been more aware of this before it became such a problem.

"We should have seen the danger signs long before we did, I'll admit that freely. Amestris should have gotten involved before the incidents escalated this far, but we didn't. That's why we're here now, to shut down these terrorists before they strike again."

Scar narrowed his eyes. "More promises. That won't bring back the innocents who have died!"

I stood up to face him at eye level. "I'm not saying this to bring them back, I'm saying it so it won't happen again." I kept my tone even, not letting my own frustration seep out. "I have a responsibility to Ishbal, and I'm here to see that no more innocents suffer at the hands of Amestrians. I understand why you're angry with us, but right now I need you to stop bitching at me long enough to cooperate!"

Scar didn't bat an eyelash, and neither did I. I saw what he was doing. He was trying to see what I was made of. He'd seen me in action, of course – we'd fought on the same side on the Promised Day – but as far as diplomacy was concerned, he couldn't know how I'd react. All his posturing was in an effort to get me to show a crack in my armor, some sign that I wasn't equipped to handle this terrorist situation. But I'd fought homunculi and survived a trip through the portal. I wasn't about to let one man rattle me.

I sat back down and folded my hands on the tabletop in front of me. "So," I said, "cut the crap."

Hawkeye and Breda were stoic as ever, but I caught a glimpse of Kate looking as if she expected Scar to eat me.

Scar's expression didn't change, but I could see his shoulders relax a bit. He sat in the chair across from me and laid out a map of the Ishbalan region. I recognized a few landmarks immediately – the string of mountains we'd crossed near the border with Amestris, the Isvarain River which cut through the heart of the region, and the capitol city of T'ryn, where we were stationed. Scar marked four X's on the map surrounding the capitol.

"These are the locations where the first four incidents occurred," he said, "all on the outskirts of T'ryn. The latest attack – the bombing at the shrine – happened right here, in the heart of the city."

"They're very bold," I said. "Amestris has the greatest military influence here. They must feel pretty confident they won't be caught."

"They also know where to do the most damage," Scar said. "The population is most concentrated here."

I nodded silently. "Fuery, what's the military presence like within the city?"

"Minimal, sir. We're waiting for your orders on that."

"I want you to increase our watch in T'ryn. We're here to defend Ishbal, after all. It doesn't do much good for them if we stay inside our own military base."

"Sir…" Fuery hesitated. "The attitude toward Amestrians isn't very positive at the moment. I'm not sure how the people will take to increased military interference. If anything, now that the terrorists have come forward as Amestrian, it may make them feel more vulnerable than ever."

"There's also no telling how they'll respond if it's known that the order was given by State Alchemist and Hero of Ishbal Colonel Roy Mustang," Scar added. His words were scathing, but true.

"What if the Ishbalan military got involved?" Hawkeye asked. "It would certainly help put their fears at rest if their own people were defending them."

Scar gave her an irritated look. "Our 'military,' if you want to call it that, is under the authority of Major Miles. He's stationed farther east."

"Fuery, can you put me in contact with Major Miles?"

"I'll get right on it, sir." Fuery saluted and hurried out of the room. Scar still didn't look particularly pleased. I turned my attention back to him.

"What kind of leads do you have?"

Scar leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "Same as you. Unless you know something I don't."

His demeanor was starting to piss me off. "Brish, the ringleader of the Red Lotus as they're calling themselves… he took responsibility for it didn't he?"

"Yes, but not in person. He broadcast a message over our communications channel minutes after the attack. All we have to go on at this point is a name. Beyond that we can guess is that they're operating from somewhere inside T'ryn and they possibly have a mole within the military who knew our frequency."

I stood up. "I need background checks on all Amestrians currently stationed in Ishbal."

"Already done," Scar said. "Do you think we're that incompetent?"

"Then do it again! And not just the soldiers either. I want checks on your nurses, humanitarians – hell even your paper boy if he gives you a funny feeling! I'm not waiting until they strike again to get some answers."

_Sorry this chapter ends so abruptly... It's pretty sloppy I know, but it's the best I can do right now :( When I get back in a couple of months I'll be able to put more effort into quality work._


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve: Why Won't You Cry?

_I'm back! This update is later than I was hoping, but hopefully I'll be able to make regular posts soon. I'd like to apologize in advance for not being more on time. I'm kind of dealing with some health issues right now on top of starting college. Thanks so much for being patient with me!_

_This chapter is short and unedited, and doesn't have much to do with the story as a whole – it's more of a flashback, or a bit of backstory on Roy and Kate. Don't worry, my next update will continue the main plot!_

* * *

"Roy, do you understand what they're saying?"

I nodded slowly, scanning my aunt's face for any sign that she might not be telling the truth. But I'd never seen Aunt Chris cry before. She knelt in front of me, holding my pudgy little hands in hers. She squeezed harder than I would have liked, and I pulled away.

"Sorry, Roy-boy," she whispered, laying a cold, trembling hand on my shoulder. I shrugged her off and she stood, turning to the uniformed men across the room. They saluted, their faces blank and unreadable. Then they were gone.

Gone. Just like my parents. I wasn't sure how – the details didn't make sense to me – but I understood that they were dead as clearly as if I'd seen it happen myself. Tears began to slide down my cheeks, each one feeling as if it was burning trails down my face.

Aunt Chris gently rubbed circles into my back as I cried. She wasn't so good at the whole comforting thing – she didn't have any children of her own. But I didn't want comfort from her. I didn't want it from anybody but Mom and Dad. "Leave me alone," I said, voice shaking. At first, Aunt Chris didn't move, but after a minute she walked out of the room. I hugged my knees to my chest and sobbed.

I didn't hear Kate's thumping little steps until she was in the doorway. Her hair was still matted from a recent nap. She giggled as she ran over to my chair and tried to pull herself up. "Roy, Roy!" she squealed. My name was one of the few words she could say.

I pushed her back as she struggled to my side. She tumbled harmlessly to the floor, laughing as she tried to climb up the chair again. "Roy!" She thought I was playing a game.

"No, Kate!" I shoved her harder this time, but still she refused to give up. "Kate, stop!" She started to scramble to my side once more, but I kicked her away, my foot to her forehead. She fell down wailing.

Aunt Chris ran in moments later. She scooped Kate into her arms and kissed her forehead, speaking softly to her. "Roy, what happened?"

I wiped away tears with the back of one hand. "She won't leave me alone."

My aunt stroked the back of Kate's dark head as her sobs began to die down. "She doesn't understand, Roy. Even if you explained it, she wouldn't understand."

"Make her understand, Aunt Chris." Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks again. "It's not fair…"

"Roy…" Aunt Chris gave her head a small shake. It set her sparkly teardrop earrings dancing. Their shimmery movement caught Kate's eye and she giggled, watching the colors shine.

"It's not fair!" I slid off my chair, tears now flowing freely again. "She can't laugh, Mom and Dad are dead! She should be crying like me!"

"Roy, calm down. She doesn't understand what's happened."

"They're dead," I was speaking to my sister now. "They're dead Kate. Mom and Dad won't be coming home again."

Kate didn't respond to me. She just reached out for Aunt Chris's earring, transfixed by the glimmering jewels. She smiled, peals of her laughter ringing in the air like a bell.

"Why don't you get it?" I was screaming at her.

Aunt Chris looked down at me, her eyes filling with tears once more. "Roy, stop," she said.

"Why can't she understand?" My aunt closed her eyes and turned away. "Why won't she cry?" She carried Kate out of the room, away from me. I still remember the smile she gave over Aunt Chris's shoulder just before she was out the doorway.

I screamed at her one last time before they were out of earshot. "Why won't you cry?"


	13. Chapter 13

_Finally an update! Sorry these are taking so long, but like I said I've been in pretty crappy health lately. Hopefully that changes soon. Thanks so much for the reviews and everything. It really means a lot to me! Please pardon any typos, this is unedited._

_lilaclily00: Yeah poor little Roy deserves some tears :'(_

_speedfanatic05: Is it cruel of me to be glad you thought the chapter was heart-wrenching? mwahaha… And thanks, it's good to be back! :D_

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: Children of Ishbal

"Damn." I hung up the phone.

"Major Miles can't send support?" Hawkeye was watching me.

"What support? Ishbal basically has no military right now, Scar was right. Miles is doing all he can just get one established. The handful of Ishbalan soldiers we have right now is all we'll get."

Hawkeye shrugged, frowning. "They may not be completely comfortable with it, but at least we're protecting the people. That's our priority, and it has nothing to do with what will make them happiest."

"Yeah." I leaned forward onto the desk in front of me. "Where's the rest of the team?"

"Fuery's working on background checks. He's very thorough, digging into their pre-military years."

"Good. And Kate?"

"Took a patrol in the city with Breda."

With Breda? "Oh god. This'll end well."

An amused look flicked over Hawkeye's face. "You don't think my fake military creds were convincing enough?"

"No, I don't think Kate will be convincing enough if he presses her. He was suspicious on the train."

"True, but I think he'll trust your judgment in the end."

"Why? I'm not so sure I made a good call here."

"Well I am."

I laughed. "Of course you are! You're the one who talked me into the idea."

"Exactly, and I'm always right, sir. You have nothing to worry about." She winked at me.

I raised an eyebrow. "You're flirting with me again, dammit!" Riza shrugged suggestively. My mind lit up and I had to glance away from her for a minute. I cleared my throat. "Tomorrow I'd like to get out and see the city for myself. Get a feel for things up close."

Hawkeye nodded. "I think that'll be best, sir." I don't even have to tell her that I'll want her to come with me tomorrow. She knew.

A timid knock fell on the door. It slid open partway and a young Amestrian soldier stepped in. She saluted. "Colonel Mustang, sir."

"Go ahead." I nodded to her.

"Second Lieutenant Breda asked me to find you, sir."

They were back then. "Did he say why?"

"No, sir."

I shrugged and stood up. "Lead on then."

Riza fell in step beside me as we followed the young soldier. I would have expected Breda to give me a report of the patrol after he returned, but not so soon unless there was a problem. Or something had happened with Kate. Why had I brought her along again? And why the hell were we walking towards the mess hall?

Our escort opened the door for us and I was instantly hit with a wall of heat. Poor ventilation, ovens working at all hours to feed the garrison, and the hot Ishbalan sun outside was a bad mix for enjoying a meal. Especially when several dozen soldiers were crowded in.

Breda stood beside a table, arms crossed over his chest. He was looking at Kate who was kneeling on the floor beside – damn it. Two Ishbalan children dressed in rags sat side by side at the table, hunched over bowls of soup. Kate was speaking gently to them. I wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake her. What the hell was she thinking?

"Breda," I said, loud enough to make the kids jump. He turned to us as Riza and I came closer. I lowered my voice. "Mind telling me what this is about?"

"Kiers found them during our patrol." He jerked his thumb to Kate. "Somehow got something she thinks is useful out of them and promised them food in exchange for information."

"What?" I looked back to the table. Kate was still focused on the kids, never glancing my direction. "Private Kiers," I said harshly. Both children flinched again.

Kate stood up and came to me. Words leaped from her mouth sooner than they did from mine. "Say what you want, Roy, but I made my own call."

If Breda noticed her use of my first name, he didn't react. I felt my muscles tense. "I can see you made your call, but you have neither the authority of the experience to do that. You can't just bring a couple of Ishbalan kids in here and feed them like stray cats. We're here to eliminate a terror cell, not play house with the locals."

"They aren't just a couple of strays; they know things. They have information for us. I wouldn't have brought them here otherwise."

I paused. "Let me talk to them then. Let's see what they've got."

Kate looked relieved, like she had been sure I was going to throw them out. Part of me wanted to just to put her in her place, but I'd be foolish to completely disregard an opportunity like this. We were grasping at straws as it was; we needed some solid leads.

I sat down across from the kids. Kate knelt beside them once again so she was at their eye level. There was a boy and a girl, siblings from the look of it. The boy was a couple of years older than the girl, probably eight or nine. They both had wispy blond hair so pale it almost looked silver. They boy's eyes had more of a pinkish hue, but the girl's were a deep ruby red.

"Can you tell me your names?" I said. Both of them stared at me, speechless.

"This is Colonel Mustang; he won't hurt you. Go on."

At Kate's prompting, the boy piped up. "I'm Kip, and this is Jessa." The little girl was looking at me wide-eyed, but glanced away when I made eye contact.

"Private Kiers says you have something to tell me?" I tried to be as gentle as I could. Poor kids looked scared to death.

Kip glanced at his sister and then back at me. "Yes, sir. S-she wanted to know if we knew anything about the attacks or if we'd seen any strange people around lately."

My gaze slid to Kate, but she was nodding approval to Kip and didn't notice me. No matter how helpful these kids turned out to be, Kate had been assigned to a routine city patrol. She shouldn't have been chatting with children in the street.

"We live in T'ryn's West Quarter, sir, so we see Amestrians around. A bunch of them live in the West Quarter. We see plenty of them."

"They come into our shop," Jessa added, speaking for the first time.

"Yeah," Kip said. "They buy food and stuff from Dad. One of the neighbor kids is from Amestris. We used to play with him."

"Not anymore," Jessa said. Her voice was so quiet and high pitched that I could hardly understand her. "Mommy won't let us."

I smiled at her, biting back my impatience. They'd get around to the point of what they were trying to say eventually.

"But there's never any soldiers by our house," Kip continued. "We're in the middle of West Quarter, where the other poor people live. Soldiers don't ever come there. Except this one time. It was a day before the explosion in Center Square. We heard it all the way in West Quarter. Mommy said people died that time."

Kip stopped like he didn't plan on continuing. "What did you see the day before the explosion?" I asked.

"A soldier, all in blue like you are. They went into one of the houses down the street. I don't know who lives there, but I think they're from Amestris."

"The soldier – were they a man or a woman?" I said.

"I-I'm not sure," Kip said. "I didn't get a good look."

"And you don't know who lives at the house they went into?"

Kip shook his head. I shot Kate a skeptical glance. This wasn't my idea of valuable intel.

"But you can find out, can't you Kip?" she said, putting a hand on his shoulder. The boy perked up instantly.

"Oh yeah, of course I can! We both can!" He tugged on his sister's arm and looked at me. I rubbed my forehead.

"Kat- Private… I'm not sure about this. They're _children."_

"Exactly, no one will think twice about them. They want to do this, sir."

Breda and Hawkeye were both watching to see what my decision would be. As always, Breda was unreadable. I didn't have to look at Riza to know what she thought. If in my place, she would give it a try. Being children, they weren't likely to draw too much attention, but the risk was so great if they were caught. I looked across the table at them. I sighed inwardly. They were Ishbalan children after all. You had to be built tough to survive here.

"All right," I said. "They can do it. But for god's sake, make sure they're careful."


	14. Chapter 14

_As per usual, sorry for the slow update… College equals life. :P On the upside, I got to spend Friday night with my older brother (who goes to college three hours away). I stayed with him in his apartment and slept on his couch… but don't worry, we have a much better relationship than Kate and Roy! XD_

_speedfanatic05:__ yeah, I like giving Kate the confidence to do something as bold as she did, but she may have been a little too bold in this case…_

_lilaclily00:__ I had to look up The Ties That Bind because I wasn't sure what it was! I'm not sure if Kip is the name of that character or not, but if so it was unintentional XD_

_(Warning: unedited so please don't hate me…)_

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: The Worst Weapons

I stood across the street from Kate, trying to look indifferent to her. But my fingers tightened inside my gloves as I watched her in my peripheral. I was prepared to act at a moment's notice.

She was smiling broadly as she knelt in the dust to meet Kip and Jessa. The little girl hopped right into her arms. At first, I hadn't approved of the way she interacted with the kids, but I understood now her reasoning behind it. When she approached them smiling and laughing, she looked less like someone collecting intelligence from small spies and more like a foreign soldier who'd made friends with a couple of native children. The snacks she brought them every day only helped to back up the façade.

It had been a little over a week since they'd started bringing us information. Their efforts hadn't yielded much so far. Apparently, Jessa was small enough to fit through the tiny basement window of the house supposedly inhabited by our Amestrian terrorists. If anyone actually lived in the house, there was little evidence of it. They had yet to see anyone coming or going, and it seemed that no matter how much Jessa explored the basement, it was - surprisingly - just a basement. I was ready to give up on them, but Kate wouldn't stop insisting I give them another chance. Why did I feel like she was asking me to give her another chance?

Kate crossed the empty street carrying Jessa on her hip like the kid was a toddler. Kip followed behind. I had to admit, Jessa had surprised me. With as much of a mouse as she'd been the first time we'd met, I never would have guessed she would be brave enough to crawl through a window into a dark basement alone, with her brother only able to watch from outside.

Kate was smiling at me, and I cracked a small smile in return. We were two soldiers just making friends with a couple of adorable kids. Anyone watching wouldn't suspect a thing.

"What do you have for us today?" I asked, looking into Jessa's ruby red eyes.

Kip answered instead, struggling to keep his voice low. "We saw that soldier again! Last night, after you'd already been to see us. But she was on our street."

"She? So this soldier is a woman?"

"Yeah, she stopped at the house down the street and knocked, but no one answered and she gave up after a while."

My heartbeat quickened. Finally, something useful. "Can you describe her for me?" I said slowly, trying not to get too excited.

Kip nodded. "She was blonde-"

"And tall!" Jessa added.

"Uh huh… real tall. And pale, so she's not Ishbalan for sure." Jessa giggled when he said that.

My mind raced through all the blonde female soldiers I knew of here in Ishbal, but I hadn't had much time to get to know any of them. "Is there anything else you can tell me?"

"No…" Kip deflated instantly. "Did we do bad?"

"Not at all!" I replied. "In fact, this is very helpful. Thank you." I looked at Kate. "Send them home, we should get back."

Kate nodded and walked the kids back across the street. She slipped a small brown parcel of food into Kip's hands and rubbed the back of Jessa's head as the little girl hugged her thighs. Then my little spies scurried off down the street towards their home in West Quarter. Kate watched them go.

"Kate, come on," I called to her, impatient to return to the military base. She jogged across the road to meet me. I noticed, amused, that she still glanced both ways before crossing, just as we'd been taught as kids, despite the fact that there were less than five other people in sight, let alone cars.

She smiled at me. "They're doing well, aren't they?"

I shrugged, for some reason reluctant to admit that her gamble had paid off. "We won't know unless this leads somewhere. I'm going straight to Fuery when we get back. He knows these soldiers better than I do."

We walked in silence for a minute. I knew Kate's mannerisms well enough by now to know that she had something to say to me but was hesitating. I wanted to snap at her to just spit it out already, but I held my tongue.

"Roy…" she paused again.

"Colonel, remember?" I said while she was silent.

"Yeah… but is there anything we can do for them? After this is all over, I mean. Once we resolve the crisis here, they'll still be starving – so many others too. Can't we-"

"No. This situation is a problem for Amestris because Amestrians are responsible for Ishbalan deaths, but it's not our fault if children go hungry. We'll support Ishbal as they get back on their feet, but it won't do any good if we throw hand-outs at them left and right."

"That's cruel," Kate said.

"No, it's just true. You've always had a hard time telling the difference." I could tell Kate didn't want to reply. "They're survivors, Kate. They'll be all right."

She didn't say anything else as we finished the trip back to the base. She split off from me and headed to barracks as soon as we were inside the gate, calling a half-hearted "See you" over her shoulder as she hurried away. My guess was that she had taken to the children so much because she'd spent plenty of time on the streets herself. For the first time, I wondered how she had managed during the times she wasn't too strung out to know which end was up. I pictured her picking through trash bins and sleeping under bridges. My heart sinks when I realize that this probably isn't too far from the truth.

I refocused my mind and put my full attention back into finding Fuery. He was in his office, still plowing through personnel files. "Fuery, I need you to narrow your search," I said. "Limit your digging to just female blonde-haired soldiers."

Fuery gave me an odd look. "Got a lead?"

"Possibly. Those two kids saw an Amestrian soldier of that description poking around where there wasn't much reason for her to be."

"All right," Fuery said, readjusting his thick-framed glasses to sit farther up his nose. "I'll look for any ties they might have to Ishbal, or any reason they might have to join an Amestrian supremacy group." He closed the file he'd just been scanning and began flipping through drawers. "Did you tell Scar yet?"

"No, it's not really a conversation I'm looking forward to." Scar wasn't altogether impressed with our "spies". I couldn't imagine what he'd say when he found out we were following a lead provided by the children. "I probably won't say anything yet unless he asks."

Fuery chuckled. "Probably a good call." He ripped a file out of the drawer he was looking in and threw it on the desk. "This might take a while."

"I'll leave you to it. I'm headed to the mess hall now. I'll send someone over with food for you."

Fuery nodded his appreciation, his face already stuffed between the pages of the file. I walked out, my mind on a warm meal and feeling for the first time that we were doing more in Ishbal besides wasting everyone's time.

xXx

Fuery practically beat the door down before I dragged myself out of bed to open it. His eyes were bloodshot behind his glasses, and I realized he must have pulled an all-nighter getting personnel information. On the upside, he was now very well acquainted with every blonde female currently stationed in Ishbal.

"Colonel – Roy, I think I've found our woman!" I was instantly alert. He shoved a file into my hands and continued, words spilling out of his mouth almost faster than I could understand them.

"Staff Sergeant Gresmann, Meg Gresmann. She's been stationed here for two years, ever since Amestris has been involved in the rebuilding of Ishbal – more than enough time to be involved in, or even plan all the terror attacks. She was a newly enlisted recruit during the Ishbalan civil war, and received an informal reprimand from superiors a few years after the war for "verbal abuse" against members of the Ishbalan race. Charges were never pressed, and the reprimand was eventually removed from her personnel file, but of course I pulled some strings to find that little bit of information. That's not even the kicker, though. Here it is – ready for this? She was _personally_ selected by State Alchemist Kimblee, the "Red Lotus" alchemist during the war to serve under his command for the Ishbalan exterminations, and she remained loyal to him even after he was imprisoned, calling for his release and re-examination of his trial."

I stared at Fuery, speechless. "This is exactly what I've been needing. As always, you're the best, Fuery. Go get some sleep."

"Sir!" Fuery saluted and left me with the file, having no trouble following my orders. I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled on my uniform. I grabbed my gloves and the file before racing out to find Hawkeye. If memory served correctly, she had guard duty on the wall this morning.

The minute I dashed into the dawn light, I nearly collided with another soldier. "Oh, sir!" He saluted quickly. "I was just sent to find you. One of those Ishbalan kids is here asking for you. We let him and told him to wait, but-"

"That's all right, thanks." I waved him off and watched as Kip walked towards me across the base grounds. He moved with quick, tense motions, almost as if something was creeping up on him from behind. Something about him seemed off.

"Kip? Where's your sister?" I'd never seen them apart before now.

Instead of answering, Kip held out a piece of paper as he came closer. I walked forward a couple of steps to take it from him. "What's this for?"

Kip shook his head and I thought I heard a whimper in the back of his throat. He turned and began running full speed across the grass. "Hey-" I glanced down at his note. Then there was a flash and a rumbling bang. Clods of dirt showered through the air and an invisible wall forced me to the ground. I looked up to find Kip, but only a charred section of gouged-out earth remained where he had been. My mind slowly registered the words I had seen on the note just before the explosion.

_Children do make the worst weapons, don't they?_


	15. Chapter 15

_I feel like I need to apologize for how long it takes me to update… Sorry guys :( This semester has been pretty rough so far and I've been too stressed out to write (which is funny because I started this fanfic as a stress reliever!) Anyway, I can't promise I'll ever have a regular updating schedule, but thanks for sticking with me. This chapter is a little longer than normal too!_

_Also this chapter contains a few graphic descriptions. Just a warning to be prepared._

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Chapter Fifteen _(I couldn't come up with a title)_

"They just brought back Jessa's body. Found it several blocks from here. Head trauma; likely the same bastards who killed her brother." I didn't move, didn't react. My ears were still ringing from the explosion that had torn Kip apart right before my eyes. I held a rag to my forehead, where a piece of debris flung up by the blast had made a gash.

Hawkeye had been on guard during the explosion, close enough to see everything. It was nearing an hour since it happened, and I still hadn't moved more than ten feet from the scorched ground where Kip had died. Two soldiers were searching the field and collecting his remains on a white sheet. There was hardly anything to bring back.

"It was a blow to the back of her head," Hawkeye continued. "She wouldn't have felt much. They both died quickly, if that means anything."

I closed my eyes. It didn't. I'd watched children die worse deaths and smelled burning human flesh before, but that didn't make things any easier. I never should have let them help us. I never should have let them go into that house or asked them to spy like trained informants or let them die like they never mattered at all.

Riza didn't speak for a few minutes. If she couldn't actually read my mind she got pretty damn close and knew I didn't want her to say a word.

"I need to find Kate," I said, finally breaking the silence. Hawkeye stood with me to follow but I waved her off. "Stay here. I'll come find you soon. We need to get back to work once I clear this up."

I found Kate in the infirmary, where Jessa's body had been laid out on an empty bed. The back of her head and most of her hair was crusted with blood and her lips and skin were already taking on the purplish pallor of death. Kate was sitting beside her, looking down and crossing her arms across her stomach like she was cold. I realized that this wasn't the first dead child she'd seen – she may have even killed some herself last time she was in Ishbal. But just like me, it didn't make facing it any easier. She looked up when I walked in.

"It's not your fault," I said. The words leapt out of my mouth before she could say anything. "I'm the highest authority on this base. I made the call that got these kids killed. The blame falls to me."

"I know." The worst part was that Kate didn't deny it, didn't try to take the blame herself. I wouldn't have let her even if she had, but she didn't say anything. She just looked sick; sick at herself for thinking of using children as spies and sick at me for letting it happen.

Silence stretched between us. "You shouldn't stay in here," I said. "She won't wake up no matter how long you sit there."

At first, she acted like she hadn't heard me, but then she slowly stood up. A pained look crossed her face and I noticed that her arms were still crossed over her stomach. "When was the last time you checked that?" I gestured to where the old injury would be under arms. She shrugged in response. "Clean yourself up. I need to get back."

"Okay," she said.

I walked out hoping she'd do as I told her for once.

Hawkeye was waiting right where I'd left her. The searchers had finished or given up finding Kip's charred remains and were wrapping them in the sheet. I tried not to think about the fact that I'd be the one to inform the parents why their children wouldn't be home for dinner that night.

"Ready, Sir?" Hawkeye saluted me as usual when I approached her.

I nodded. "Let's do this now while most everyone's distracted. If she's got accomplices in here we don't want them to know we're on to them."

"Of course, Sir." Hawkeye was ready to follow my lead, as always. She was counting on me to be in control, like always. I pushed the two dead kids out of my mind ignoring them for the time being. Maybe I was a heartless bastard for it, but I needed to focus right now.

"We'll search her quarters first."

Hawkeye followed me to the barracks, her hand hovering over the gun holstered on her belt. Prepared for action as always.

The barracks was silent when we entered. "Fifth on the right," I said. Fuery had left that much for me in a note with the Sergeant's file. "If she's smart she won't put up a fight." I stood in front of the door and knocked solidly. Even if she was asleep, she was bound to hear it. Hawkeye stood behind me and to the right so she had a clear shot in case anything went wrong.

The door swung open moments later. Sergeant Meg Gressmann stood with only the lower half of her military uniform on, wearing a white undershirt on top. Her hair was in a messy bun. Just a soldier relaxing during a bit of down time.

Recognition flickered across her face and she saluted me. "What can I do for you, Sir?"

"Sergeant, we need to take you for questioning. One of our leads has linked you to a group of Amestrian terrorists in Ishbal." The surprise that filled her eyes looked real. Too real. I started to question for a moment but didn't let myself falter. If she'd really been an undercover terrorist for two years now, she was surely prepared for interrogations.

"Sir," she began, "I'm sorry but I think you're-"

Hawkeye took a half pace forward, her hand resting lightly on the butt of her pistol. She didn't have to say a word. Gressman raised her hands to shoulder height and stepped through the doorway. "Understood."

We escorted her to the interrogation room at base headquarters. I left her alone in the room, locked from the outside, to speak privately with my Lieutenant for a minute. "Find Breda; let him know the situation," I said. "And keep this on the down-low. The last thing we need is rumors flying through a garrison this tight."

"Of course, Sir." Riza hesitated a moment. "Are you sure you're ready for an interrogation, Sir?"

"Yes," I replied. "Don't worry about me."

I watched Riza go on her way and waited about fifteen minutes before going in to chat with Sergeant Gressman. Experience told me that making a suspect wait increased nerves and loosened tongues.

The Sergeant looked up as I entered the small, dimly lit room. She now looked calm and collected, like she expected to be released before the hour was up. Was she that confident?

I sat facing her at the table in the center of the room. I folded my gloved hands in front of me, where she could look right at them. I wanted her to think about what would happen to her if I snapped my fingers.

"Over half a million Ishbalans were killed in the Civil War. That's men, women, children, soldiers, invalids… All wiped out in a matter of a few years. We all thought the war ended over a decade ago, but someone's trying to send a message. The war isn't over for some Amestrians. Amestrians like you."

"I have nothing to do with those terrorists," Gressmann said.

I ignored her. "More Ishbalans have died. More children, more innocents. All because of you and your misguided Amestrian Supremacy agenda!"

She met my eyes without flinching. "Show me your proof. There's nothing that can link me to the attacks because I had nothing to do with them." The words slid off her tongue easily, without thought. She was good.

"You served under Kimblee during the Civil war, correct?"

"Yes, all my records can confirm that."

"Kimblee called himself the 'Red Lotus Alchemist.' Red Lotus is the name of this Amestrian terror group, named in honor of Kimblee and his anti-Ishbal values."

"Dozens of soldiers served under Kimblee; some of them are assigned to this very garrison. Are you going to question them all?"

Again, I ignored her. "After Kimblee was put on trial for crimes against humanity, you were an avid supporter of his. Called for a re-examination of the case and everything."

"They were going to put him on death row. I'm against the death penalty in Amestris. That's not terrorism; it's just politics." Her gaze was locked with mine.

"Why make such a fuss over Kimblee though? There have been lots of executions since he was incarcerated."

"Loyalty." Gressmann gave a little shrug like that should have been obvious to me from the start. "He was my commanding officer in Ishbal. I felt a sense of duty to him."

"You were once called out by a superior for speaking against the Ishbalan race after the war. Why would you spend two years on a military base that serves the people you hate?" I was keeping my questions rapid-fire in the hopes that she would slip up eventually.

"We were all taught to hate Ishbalans back then, weren't we? That's why I'm here now – to make amends for those days. That's why you're here too, isn't it?" Was that accusation I read in her eyes?

"I have information that puts you in West Quarter two nights ago, at the door of a home believed to house Amestrian terrorists. What can you tell me about that?"

Gressmann shrugged. "I can't deny I was off-base. I had a few hour's leave and wanted to spend it outside. But I was with a couple of friends, also soldiers, at a bar just a couple blocks from here. Ask them yourselves, I was most certainly not in West Quarter. Who gave you this information? Where are they now?"

"They're dead; killed by you and your terrorist friends. Do you want to know how old they were?" She didn't reply, just kept her gaze fixed on me. "Six and nine," I replied. "And they were murdered. How did that feel for you?"

"I can't say because I had nothing to do with it. Though if I'd been the officer in charge, I'd have never sent a couple of _children_ to do a spy's work." Still, she was looking at me. There was no mistaking the accusation in her eyes this time.

I snapped.

I stood up so quickly that my chair tipped over as I brought the back of my left hand across the Sergeant's face. For a moment, her calm veneer cracked and she let out a cry of surprise. "They were children, dammit! Innocent children!" Gressmann had a hand pressed to her cheek and for the first time I caught genuine fear in her eyes. "Did you kill them yourself? Or did you just stand by and do nothing while they were murdered?"

"I've told you, I don't-"

I slammed my hands on the table. She jumped. "One more time. One more time, damn you, and I swear…" I raised my right hand, poised to snap. I knew the nature of flames inside and out. I knew how to control a fire, how to make it burn slowly and painfully. Or I could wipe her out in less than a second, just like Kip…

"Colonel!" The door swung open so hard that it banged against the wall. The Lieutenant's frame filled the doorway, and her eyes flashed a warning at me. "Back off," she said. For a moment, we were both still, but I finally straightened up and left the room without so much as a glance at Sergeant Gressmann. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. I heard Hawkeye close the door.

"Take a break, Sir," was all she said, like I was a misbehaving child and she was sending me to my room.

"Lieutenant-"

"Question her when you're really ready. Not before." This time, I couldn't meet her eyes. I walked away seething, but not at Hawkeye. She was right; the kids' deaths had left me reeling. I wasn't ready.

My hand was throbbing from how hard I'd struck Sergeant Gressmann. I sure her face felt worse, and I couldn't help but feel satisfied in that at least. I pulled off my glove to see a sizable bruise forming on the back of my hand. Hawkeye would send me for ice if she could see it, but for once I didn't need her to. The pain was enough to drive me to the infirmary on my own.

I avoided looking at Jessa's body. I didn't want to see all that blood on the back of her head again. I started searching for ice.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw a person sitting on the floor in front of a row of cabinets. "For god's sake, Kate! What the hell are you-?"

She wasn't right. She barely reacted to me except to slowly glance in my direction. She sat with her knees against her chest. Her uniform coat was in a heap on the ground, and one of her exposed arms was turned slightly purple, circulation cut off by a rubber tie near the shoulder. The other arm rested on her stomach, where she had lifted up her undershirt to reveal the wounds. Bloody strips of gauze surrounded her and her whole left arm below the elbow was slick with blood.

"Kate?" I dashed across the room and knelt beside her. Something shattered under my foot. I looked down and saw the broken fragments of a syringe, empty now of its contents. "Kate!" I grabbed her shoulder and shook her.

"Roy?" She mumbled my name like she was half asleep. I untied the strip of rubber from her right arm, noticing the fresh needle mark where she'd injected herself. It had been a long time since I'd seen her like this, but I recognized all the symptoms. Her addiction had been to pain killers, mainly opiates. She had probably known exactly where to find what she was looking for.

But seeing her like this again, so disconnected from reality that she barely recognized me, almost made me want to cry. The past couple of weeks I'd seen her better than she'd been in years. She'd finally come back to me. I didn't realize until now how much it had meant to have her back.

I looked around. I couldn't leave her here. Anyone could walk in and see her. I grabbed her coat and threw it over her stomach. I'd have to take her back to my quarters and clean her up there. I picked her up in my arms, expecting her to cry out in pain, but she didn't react. The drugs must have been masking it too well. It was pathetic how light and easy to carry she was.

It wasn't hard getting back to the barracks undetected. Everyone was still shaken by the explosion that morning, and it was the lunch hour. Once in my room I laid Kate down on the bed and locked the door. For a minute, I just looked at her. My mind was caught between anger and sadness. This was my baby sister.

"Damn you, Kate."


	16. Chapter 16

_Calculus homework? Screw that, I'm going to write fanfiction! I'm an English major, so this is more beneficial anyway, right? XD_

_speedfanatic05:__ I'm glad you thought it was worth the wait! I know my updating schedule sucks so it really does mean a lot to me that you're sticking with me._

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Chapter Sixteen: A Bloody Mess

I soaked a whole towel through with Kate's blood. She'd ripped all the bandages off, and from the looks of it she'd been digging her fingers into the wounds. She was too confused to know what she was doing, but she'd further ripped open those wounds that would never heal. She was in the process of bleeding to death when I found her.

The bloody towel slid to the ground with a _smack_ and I reached for a new one. The bleeding was starting to slow. Maybe the wounds couldn't fully heal, but they could at least scab over a little. I pressed the fresh towel to Kate's stomach, feeling the heat of her blood against my fingers. My hands were red from it and smudges of it covered my shirt. I could smell it in the air, that familiar coppery scent I knew too well.

Kate barely moved while I worked to stop the bleeding. Her eyes were glazed over, almost lifeless, and her breathing was slow. I was glad at how relaxed the drugs were keeping her; she seemed to be free of pain for the moment. Which was good, considering what I was about to do. The cuts were all deep and large. They'd need some help to stay closed long enough for the blood to stop pouring.

I needed to sew them shut.

I considered using flame alchemy to close the wounds, but it seemed like an easy way to do more harm than good. Of course, the same thing might happen when I tried to stitch it; I was way out of my depth here. But I had to try, didn't I?

My hands were shaking as I threaded the needle. I heated it with a small burst of flame, hoping that would be enough of a disinfectant.

The needle stabbing through her flesh was what brought Kate's first real reaction to my treatment. She gasped and grabbed my wrist with her bloodied hand. She wasn't very strong, especially in her current condition, but I still struggled to keep her still and unresisting as I worked on her wounds. About halfway through, she began to whimper and I continued as quickly as I could, hoping she wouldn't start screaming. With as much pain as she was in, even with the painkillers in her system, I couldn't imagine what it would feel like without them. I had to pinch together the two edges of each gash while I sewed them, squeezing out blood and discolored fluid. I could tell from how hot the skin was that it was infected, and probably had been for a long time. It was actually a miracle she was still breathing.

Kate was struggling so hard by the end that she was panting when I sealed the last wound. I used another damp towel to wipe away the mess of blood and infection and saw that while blood still seeped out between the stitches, my work had done a lot to slow it down.

But she was still lying in a pool of her own blood on the bed. I scooped her up gently into my arms again, hoping I wouldn't tear any of the stitches, and sat her leaning against the wall on a fourth clean towel. Hopefully no one would notice the shortage of towels I was creating on the base.

I rubbed iodine on her wounds and wrapped her up in fresh bandages, using more than one layer so it wouldn't soak through for a while. Then I took the towels and bedsheets and shoved them into a trash bag. I'd get rid of them later easy enough, but the rest of the room still looked like a warzone. Blood had soaked through the sheets to the mattress itself, dripped on the floor, and even been smudged on the wall where Kate was now resting. I'd have to figure out some way to explain it later; maybe I'd have to confide in Riza.

"You've created one hell of a bloody mess for me, Kate," I said. I didn't expect her to respond, but after a moment I heard her whisper a faint, "sorry, Roy." My mouth twitched in a small smile. It was good to hear her voice.

I knelt beside her and pushed pieces of hair damp with blood and sweat out of her face. She slowly raised her dark brown eyes to mine and a tear slipped down her red-smudged cheek. "I'm sorry, Roy, I'm sorry… sorry."

_You're always sorry._ But I didn't say it out loud. Instead, I slowly began to work her ruined shirt the rest of the way off her head. It felt very wrong to strip my sister down to nothing but her underwear and then wipe her off with a wet washcloth, but she was at least lucid enough to work with me a bit. It still startled me how thin she was. Her bones jutted out under her skin so sharply I was almost afraid of them breaking through. I could easily count the gaps between her ribs.

By the time I had her clean and wearing one of my fresh t-shirts, she was practically falling asleep. I knew from past experience that it meant the high was wearing off. I still had no idea what I was going to say to her when she came to.

I found a clean blanket and spread it on the floor away from the carnage. When I went to move her, she was already snoring softly, and nothing I did would wake her. I picked up her nearly weightless body and carried her to the makeshift bed. I intended to leave her there and get back to work, but something gave me pause. I remembered a time when I'd once held Riza's injured body like this. She'd felt so much different, sturdy and strong in my arms. Kate was such a fragile thing. A thing I needed to protect.

I sat on the floor for over an hour with my sister pressed up to my chest, feeling her breathe against me. For the first time, I was glad she'd come back. For the first time in years, I just let myself hold her.

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_This chapter is mostly fluff, but I felt like it had to be written considering the situation I left them in last time!_


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